The Good, The Bad & The Damn Ugly!

I recently enrolled in a self-help course in SL called "Homestyle Self-Regression For Dummies".  Lately I have had this feeling that more than one personality may exist within the Zuzu, so what better way to find out than to regress myself into some exciting past lives and find out who the hell I am?!  The course came with a thick booklet of instructions and some assorted special offers.  I trashed the booklet and just went straight in - how hard could it be?  The course said it was for dummies and I qualify!  Here is a pic of me on my self-regression table, that came with the course material - it was self assembly but I am good at putting cheap nasty stuff together with a hammer, screwdriver and wood glue.  Perhaps this skill points to one of my past lives?  Maybe I was a worker at an IKEA factory in the 17th century?  I couldn't wait to find out!  Come to think of it, I started the regression fully clothed....hmmmm???

So, the starter sheet (I did keep that) said to lay on the table and hum anything by Britney or Whitney - or any other singer ending in 'ney', as this would induce the self-aggressive-regressiveness?  Hmm...I thought Whitney deserved a second shot, as she has fallen on hard times of late, so I lay there and hummed to myself "I'm every woman". Just before I went to the regression, I found I was touching myself to make sure that I wasn't every woman - relief!

I should have read the booklet cos when I arrived at the regression place, John Wayne and Clint Eastwood were there waiting for me. John Wayne touched his hat as he said a friendly "Howdy" to me and Clint - well he ignored me, so I sent him to the ignore also.  It was then that I had the nasty flashback!  I remember as a child being forced to watch John 'bow-legged' Wayne in a film called Stagecoach - some cowboy crap with him swaggering around being all homo-on-the-range!  My mom used western movies as a form of punishment, so thank god they have been outlawed now in most decent, law-abiding countries.  Anyways, John regressed me to a scene in the film that I had overlooked - it was where he walked into the saloon and just before he started gun-slinging the joint to pieces, he turned stage left and winked right into the camera and mouthed "I wuv you Zuzu" and then blew me a damn kiss!  I gagged.  Hell YES I gagged!  I always wondered where my aversion to westerns came from and here it was - it was John Wayne's fault!  It was at this point that Clint stepped up and said "But wait...there's more".  He handed me some steak knives and told me to look stage right.....

By this time I was in deep regressions, getting moist and I don't mind admitting - starting to wonder if 99 Linden for this was a good buy.  I saw myself as a young Zuzu watching that scene where John blew me that kiss - and that damn kiss flew out of the TV screen and hit me all stealthy like on the lips - and made me GAY!  Needless to say, I am suing 20th Century Fox for making me homo and I want millions.  If any of you doubt me - think on this;  John Wayne's real name was Marion Mitchell Morrison - err hello?  A man named Marion by definition is gonna be blowing kisses to the weak and feeble minded - so case closed!  I turned to Clint and said "OK, but WHO was I in a past life - that's why I am all regressing myself for - do you know?".

I heard the melody very faintly at first and then it got louder and louder - it was an old WHAM song by George Michael.  I looked up at Clint and said "I was George Michael?".  I held my breathe in anticipation.  He shook his head and said "No Zuzu - but you were his hair back then".

So my only past life was as big WHAM hair?  That sucks.  I de-regressed myself and smashed that table to bits and decided to never tell a living soul of what had gone on till now because of the shame of it... yet now I share with you all, my loyal Zuzu groupies.

So, why the Good, the Bad and the Damn Ugly as a blog title?  Simple - Clint told me too.  He said my life would become very colorful after I get over feeling all regressed like.

For the sake of data protection I will change the names of those involved so as not to incur any potential litigation.  So, a very good friend, she shall be known as "Lanjina" likes to copy the colors I wear each day in SL - it's 'her' thing so I put up with it.  However lately it has started to get out of hand.  Yesterday I was forced to wear purple and there is only ONE person in all of SL, let's call her "BeeSweet" that can pull off purple.  Let's call this the Good.  Today I have been informed, the color of choice is going to be Big Bird icky yellow - yes, let's call this the bad.  Tomorrow is going to be green - the color of boogers.  This will be the damn ugly!  To make matters worse, this choice was chosen by my very own "Tehrani" - words will be spoken on this!!!  If all of this is confusing - then I have achieved my goal.

Just before I de-aggressivised myself, Clint told me that my SL life would be a constant re-run of the theme "The Good, The Bad and the Damn Ugly".  My heart sank until he cheered me up with the parting words "Be glad you aren't stuck here with Marion - I sleep with my legs crossed".  So, none of us like to admit it but the truth is this - we all sleep easy knowing that someone out there isn't quite as good us us, most aren't as bad as us - yet thankfully, the majority will likely be damn uglier than us!  I slept for eight hours like a baby.  Maybe the self-regression home starter kit was worth the money after all?  Plus, I got free knives as a bonus.

Life can be good, life can be bad - but there's no excuse for ugly!

Zuzu Rules.....peace out!